Home Depot and Lowes Owners Finalize Divorce

The marriage between Home Depot and Lowes owners is over. Admitting there were unsolvable differences in their relationship and that they might be more satisfied if they parted ways, the husband and wife owners of Lowes and Home Depot announced Tuesday they were getting divorced.

For the sake of the nation’s home improvement industry, they simply do not want to get tied up in a lengthy divorce that could affect store sales for both retailers.

As we all know, nothing can bring utter insanity to the lives of otherwise reasonable people like a divorce. Parenting practices, money, religion, growing apart and other important aspects of marriage, become concerns that need to be discussed.

People in that situation suddenly find walls of pettiness and crazy thoughts, leading to behavior that would embarrass most 12-year-olds.

While filing for divorce, citing mental abuse, the soon ex Mrs. Lowes hit a roadblock when the judge threatened to dismiss the entire case, based on what appears to be the fact that the couple were already living out a late 1990s internet rumor.

You know, where the feuding couple decides to split the business and the wife builds a Lowes next to every Home Depot in town? Or where Mrs Lowes gets a divorce settlement with so much money that she uses all of her knowledge about home improvement to start the rival retailer and attempt to steal Home Depot customers from her ex husband?

Seemingly now, both appear to be true.

Some highlights from the Lowes and Home Depot divorce paperwork include:

  • The couple argued for three hours over who will get the kids on Christmas day, only to discover that they were both Jewish and that their youngest child was now 30, married and living in Tampa.
  • It took the couple two hours to decide who would get the food left in the fridge. Estimated value was around $40. Two hours of attorney time,  added up to about $1,000. It  started over a giant size 1 gallon container of French’s yellow mustard.
  • Mr. Lowes received the $150 patio furniture set. He said it’s not about the patio furniture, it’s about sending a message.

As most women know, Home Depot is a good spot for newly divorced ladies to meet a new man.  But the guys in the orange aprons never seem to know what a woman is looking for anyway.

Like the small football thingy that goes inside the toilet tank. They just tell you to go to aisle 41 and that’s the lumber department.  Anyway I’m glad that I’m married because I wouldn’t want to be a single woman in Home Depot.

But back to my main story.  Both attorneys were exhausted by the extensive paperwork for this divorce, but glad to have acquired new knowledge that will make the next divorce that much easier to complete. Will either partner opt to online dating?

Many divorced parents resort to online dating services like Match.com, etc.  Sadly, most ads start out  “Attractive, divorced, 44-year-old woman who loves spending time on home improvement projects inside and outdoors and going to movies. Looking for any man to accompany me.”

Thirty-three years of marriage, done. Signed away with a couple of forms and a check. They used to be so in love. What ever happened? I suppose we’ll never know the truth. It’s sad to say, but so many people are heading down the same path. It’s amazing how many bad relationships there are out there.  The divorce becomes final on August 14th, just days before 2nd quarter earnings are reported.

Many people still believe that Lowes was founded in 1946 and grew from a small hardware store to the second-largest home improvement retailer worldwide. Some believe Carl Buchan, envisioned a chain of hardware stores and  purchased the company from his brother-in-law and business partner.

Still others hold on to the fairytale story of The Home Depot being founded by Bernie Marcus and Arthur Blank when they opened the first Home Depot stores in 1979 in Atlanta, Georgia.  Not sure if these facts have ever checked out. Seems odd, but I will check Wikipedia as soon as I can.

I realize this divorce will be tough on all of us. Lowes and Home Depot owners divorced! But at least we can conduct ourselves with a shred of compassion and understanding. That much we can say for certain. 

Life doesn’t always turn out the way you expect, I guess. From the first moment they met, I’m sure they thought they would spend the rest of their lives together.  Create a family, share joys and sorrows, and grow closer in love and understanding. Not to mention stock splits and dividends.

But that dream wasn’t meant to be. I am glad that their years together were spent creating a legacy of door locks, light fixtures and that feeling a homeowner gets when they realize that they don’t have the skills needed to install ceramic tile or build a deck.

It only makes sense to part ways with nothing but that dream, and as painful as it sounds, dreaming again.

By Victoria Stone