Working At Lowes: Review

Working at Lowes certainly has its benefits.  If you are a Lowes employee, you are working for one of the largest retailers in the world.  You enjoy a great Employee discount, employee benefits, great co-workers and much more  at your fingertips.  But what is My Lowes Life really like? We decided to visit a few stores and get an honest review of working at Lowes.

We stopped into a Lowes store in Michigan recently and had the opportunity to talk to Kirk Iafrate and Brad Miller. With MyLowesLife, we soon discovered that there are two very different opinions of working at Lowes.

Despite bringing in a cool grand—that’s 1,000 U.S. dollars every month,  Ann Arbor, Michigan resident and Lowes employee Kirt Iafrate reportedly whines about his minimum wage job on a near daily basis, our sources confirmed Tuesday. “I really don’t see what he’s got to complain about when every month he rakes in a thousand big ones.  Month after month. That’s ONE month,” said co worker Brad Miller, who works with Iafrate in the Lawn and Garden department.

Adding that if Iafrate quit complaining and took one look at his finances, he would realize he is pretty much being handed a lunch bag packed with a thousand $1 bills in it every single month. And he adds that $9 an hour is well above minimum wage in this country.

Iafrate, the recent Michigan State University graduate confided to reporters that he has no clue how his parents are supposed to earn enough money to pay his $40,000 in student loan debt. “My God, they’ll be lucky if they’re able to pay this off in their 70s,” said the 23-year-old Geology major, forklift operator and unpaid intern.

“The student loan system takes advantage of people who simply don’t realize what they’re getting into. Then four years later it’s like, whoa, what?”. Citing the present trend of tuition hikes and his low income, he added that his parents could be forced to file bankruptcy by the time he has completed his Ph.D. program.

Working At Lowes

Still,  Iafrates co worker, Miller, doesn’t buy it. “The guy’s rolling in cash. After living expenses, he still has more than 500 bucks to spend on whatever he wants.  Video games, dinner, movies—you name it. He could even save up all that cash and have himself $10,000 by year’s end! He should just take it easy, stop worrying, and enjoy the good life”

Many Lowes Workers Can Now Afford Heinz Ketchup

Miller added, ” Look, I’ve worked here 4 years.  Before, when I worked at Gamestop, I can’t remember the last time I could afford Heinz Ketchup,” said the 33-year-old father of six, who for more than a decade put WalMart Great Value ketchup on everything from hamburgers to mac and cheese to sandwiches. “Another couple good reviews and 2% wage increases, and I’ll be thinking about buying the good stuff again-Heinz!

Whether buying name brand condiments, or paying for a decent cell phone plan under $60 a month, an estimated 13 million Americans who live on minimum wage are getting a taste of the good life. Take for example Sarah Santiago of Richmond, Virginia.  She was working a coveted 5 hour shift at Lowes Tuesday night, and managed to celebrate by calling home on her new smartphone during her break. “Goodbye free Obama phone. I have Metro PCS now and I hate you” she said.

Many minimum-wage earners, like 48-year-old Greg Hasad, said the Lowes job, benefits, and great pay  provides a sense of job security at a time when the price of gas, housing, food, and health insurance are at their highest levels in years.  He also has found a way to bypass the internet website blocker Lowes has on all store computers, saving another $65 a month for high speed internet access at home.

“To think that only 5 years ago I was making  $6.15 an hour, and now, I’m making more than $9 but less than $10 an hour,” said Hasad, who declined a specific number on his hourly wage. He is the department manager of Electrical at the Lowes in Fairlawn, Indiana, but spends most of his day in the inside garden department talking to his friend Mike. “Only in America” he concluded.

My Lowes Life

This sentiment is found not only at Lowes, but through out the country. “Today, the nation’s working class are a bit closer to the American dream,” Former House Speaker John Boehner said at a White House press conference a few years ago. “And don’t forget the economic impact that these jobs provide. We are hearing that Walmart stores nationwide are selling out of Heinz ketchup and mac and cheese- and not the cheap mac and cheese, we’re talking Kraft.”

Editors note:  This article is submitted for satire. The staff disclaim all responsibility for any mental harm caused as a result of reading this article. This  includes but is not limited to: depression, anxiety, blackouts or  screaming.